A Thousand Lost Forevers
by RedFox1
Summary: this is my first attempt at a REAL taiora fic. its not too bad for my first one. tai tries to tell sora how he feels, but will something stand in his way? i'm not too good summaries so please read it and review it!


  
Disclaimer: now I must disclaim what I wrote. I don't own Digimon, or much else for that matter. I just wrote this as a far cry attempt at being good, maybe it will be my last fic for a while unless you guys want me to write more, but in order to know what you thought I need your reviews so please, just tell me what you thought, even if it's like one word, I don't mind.   
  
Thanks for reading, thank you to all who do review as well, I really appreciate your words of encouragement and helpful criticism. I want to thank my best friend Allie, without her this would have never gotten done, Allie you're the best! I'll try to be more positive!   
  
The only thing out of this that I do own is that poem, yeah I wrote a poem. If you want to use it just ask. Please read and review!   
  
  
  
A Thousand Lost Forever's   
  
  
  
He sat, hunched over at his desk. The afternoon sun seeped in through the open window and bathed his room with a dim light. Thoughts were flying through the boy's mind as he stared angrily at the blank sheet of lined paper in front of him. He growled with frustration as he slammed his pencil down on his desk and leapt out of his chair, sending it rolling backwards into the wall. He slowly turned his head towards the chair and gave it a chilling glare almost as if it were alive, and this was all it's fault. The boy shuddered slightly and tried to prevent himself from hurtling the black desk chair out the window to the streets below. Why was this task so difficult for him? it wasn't assigned by anyone but himself, so why was he so intent on completing it? never in his years on earth would he have found something so arduous. In his head it all sounded so simple, but to actually put his feelings into words was shearly impossible, for there were no words to justly describe what he felt deep inside. In all the languages of the world, of all the phrases, and ways to say it, words just weren't enough. In order to reveal a tiny glimpse at this emotion, he would have to compel his heart to speak and write for him, for this was not a sensation that can be described or acted out by the mind, rather a small feeling that can only be shown with the heart. This is why it was so impossible to put on paper what he felt. It was a love so strong that it was tearing him up inside. Not being able to tell anyone how he felt, and not being able to write it because words would never do her just. Yes it was her. To him, she was a goddess among them, someone so beautiful that it wouldn't be right to try and describe her. Since the first day he laid eyes on her he felt like a whole person, and at his young age he may not have known what that feeling was, but now as a young man he realized that when he met her, that was the day his soul became complete. He was only, what stood now as, Taichi Kamiya, because of her and all he wanted was to tell the one girl he loved how he felt.   
  
"I know we've been best friends for ever, but now…. I have to tell her, I can't keep this hidden, it's not enough." He whispered as a thought washed over his entire body. He could feel it now, his heart and mind had joined and found the words that needed to be said. He grabbed the chair, pulled it to his desk and immediately began to scribble words on the previously untouched paper.   
  
His hand flew over the paper as the dark pencil markings remained.   
  
This one sheet of paper could change his life for good or bad. He loved this girl more than life, more than his own life. He had made numerous sacrifices for her, he fought for her, he nearly killed for her years before when they were in the digital world. On the battle grounds he protected her, during the wars he saved her, but she kept him going. He was only made such a strong leader because she kept him strong. He wanted nothing more than for her to be protected, therefore deeming himself the only one who would give anything for her. Many times leadership conflicts would arise between himself and the self proclaimed 'cool one' of the destined. It was much like the younger lion challenging the present leader for charge of the pride. It seemed that they fought endlessly upon which of the two boys should lead the group. The warfare would often get physical ending with the same outcome every time. The rest of the group would be standing with looks of horror or disappointment on their faces, while the two assailants would be on the ground, Tai of course nearly always had the other blond pinned with the deadly threat of a fist to nose. The hostility would just rise as the blond squirmed under his leaders weight and strength. Taichi would lean in to the other boys ear and harshly whisper the same sentence over and over. It was the only thing that would make the other boy see, and force him to cool down. This one phrase would make the young Matt Ishida colder, and realize that he was wrong.   
  
"You can have this job anytime, but you have to prove to me that you'd be willing to sacrifice, to kill and to die for each and every one of us… are you willing to die for me Matt?" he would say as he knew his adversary was unsure of his answer, Taichi remained.   
  
This girl was Sora Takenouchi. He needed her for his life. She was what kept him going at times, but if she doesn't feel the same towards him, then he would surely be crushed. Without her his life would have no meaning, and a part of him, the part he found as a child, would be taken away from him forever. He would never truly be a whole person, he would never truly be Taichi Kamiya, if it weren't for Sora.   
  
This is why he had to let her know, in his mind his very existence depended on her.   
  
His composition was complete and it took the form of a poem, or so he imagined. Tai had never really been one known for his poetry, usually the best he could come up with was something in the lines of 'Roses are red, violets are blue.' That's why it was so odd for him to hold this work in front of him, none the less he read it over. In the beginning the words seemed kind and loving, but as he got to the end it seemed like he would be breaking apart from her. The words he read were made to imply that he would never get the opportunity to tell her. He let the paper slide from his hands as he slumped down on his bed, wondering if what he had written was true to word.   
  
***************************************************************************************   
  
Near by the girl lay on her bed weeping. She had been crying since the day before when she received the news. The memory of her mother telling her was still fresh in her mind.  
  
** "Sora, that's final!! There is nothing you can do to change my mind! I told you many times, I gave you plenty of warning, but you constantly disobeyed me!! a daughter of mine would never do that!" screamed her furious mother.   
  
"But you can't take me away from them! they're my friends! You can't take me away from him mother! Please." Sora screamed through tears.   
  
"I told you before, that Taichi Kamiya isn't a good person for you to hang around with. I told you to never speak to him, but you didn't listen. You didn't listen to my warning so now I have to take you away from him." her mother hissed.   
  
"Just because you were hurt by dad doesn't mean it will happen to me Mama!" she cried uselessly as she covered her face with her hands and stood there in the middle of her kitchen.   
  
"I told you not to talk about that again!! I won't let that happen to you!" shouted Ms. Takenouchi as she attempted to comfort her daughter by placing a hand on her shoulder.   
  
"NO! don't touch me! you can't take me away from Tai." She said as she violently shrugged her mother's hand off.  
  
"And why not Sora?" her mother asked impatiently as she stared into her daughter's flaming crimson eyes.   
Sora's eyes seemed to burn straight through her mother's soul, it felt like the eyes of her own daughter were burning a hole right through her, she shuddered lightly out of… fear? Could it possibly be that she was afraid of her daughter?   
  
"You can't take me away from Tai….." she said harshly as she drew in a deep breath and whispered. "…because I love him." she finished as she continued to stare at her mother with a heartless glare.   
  
"NO! Sora Takenouchi, you do not love him!! he will only hurt you, my choice is final, we're leaving!!" her mother screamed as she slammed her hand on the counter trying to gain control over her emotions and trying to ignore the fear that was growing from her daughter's stare.   
  
"I do love him and you can't stop me from loving him. even if you drag me away my heart will still belong to him, and there isn't a single thing you can do." Sora said as the tears built in her eyes and threatened to burst out, but she couldn't allow that, not in front of her mother now. she had to show her that she wasn't scared, that she wouldn't give up. With the last chilling glance she ran off to her room and slammed the door.   
Her mother slumped to the floor and began to weep. "I'm only doing this to protect you Sora.." she whispered as the tears came. **   
  
  
As Sora lay on her bed now there was nothing to stop her from crying at this point. She was being forced to leave the only boy she ever loved without telling him. she hadn't spoken to him for a good two days, and she didn't plan on telling him or seeing him until the time she left. It would have been far too painful for her to spend her last hours with him before leaving him very possibly forever.   
  
"It's just not fair. I can't leave you Tai, I don't want to.." she whispered as she began to sob uncontrollably once again.   
  
Why was her mother behaving this way? She knew too well about the little adventure all the years back, she knew too well how Tai had risked his very life to save Sora, she knew very well that he had never done anything to hurt her in his entire existence. Ms. Takenouchi sat on her couch and cried. She recalled a memory from many years back, when her young daughter was only seven.  
  
** The mother sat on the bench at the park and watched her daughter playing with a young boy. They were so young and innocent as they dashed around the playground playing soccer against a few other children, until a boy from the opposing team, became angry because he was beaten by a girl, and pushed her daughter to the ground. Sora began to cry as she grasped her knee, but before Ms. Takenouchi could even move a muscle to go to her daughter, she saw the boy called Tai run to her. He pushed the jealous boy to the ground and said to him in his childish voice. "How do you like it?" the other boy began to cry and ran off. Taichi then turned and smiled at Sora who was still crying softly. Ms. Takenouchi was curious to see what he would do now, so she sat back down and watched.  
  
The young boy knelt by his friend and looked into her eyes and smiled. "I don't like it when you cry alone Sora." He said in a small voice as he gently reached up and wiped the tears from her cheeks and slowly brought his hand to his own face and put her tears in his eyes. "Now you don't have to cry alone, I'll cry with you." he smiled as a real tear of his own fell from his eye. **   
  
Sure she knew that this boy loved her daughter more than life itself, but she couldn't risk the fact that Sora might be hurt in the same manor that she was by the man she once loved.  
  
A knocking at the door interrupted her next thoughts as she got up from the couch and went to answer it. she slowly pulled the door open and saw the now mature version of the little boy she remembered. "Hello Ms. Takenouchi, may I please speak to Sora?" he asked politely as the woman stared coldly into his chocolate eyes. "Why?" she asked him. he was slightly taken aback by her sudden question but answered her in truth. "I just wanted to see if she's alright. I haven't seen her in two days, I just wanted to make sure." He tried to smile at the seemingly heartless woman. "She's fine." She answered him. "Why are there so many boxes? Where is all your stuff?" he asked suspiciously. "You don't have the right to ask, now please leave." She answered. "But I came to see Sora.." he pleaded but to no avail. "I said leave." Was all she told him before slamming the door on him. "Nice lady." He remarked as he began to leave with thoughts of all the boxes and sudden lack of possessions in the Takenouchi household.   
  
"What is going on?" he asked himself as he sulked home. The sunny afternoon did not match his mood as he kept walking and hoping that what he was thinking was completely wrong.   
  
"Could she be leaving me? are they leaving here?" he said as he desperately tried to dismiss such thoughts, but they always crept back to the front of his mind. He couldn't deal with the thought of her not being a part of his everyday life. He needed her, he loved her, how could he possibly live without her? He stopped in his tracks and turned suddenly, it was her. She was trying to take Sora away from him and he knew that he could do nothing to stop it from happening. Time wasn't on his side, he had to tell her how he truly felt even if they would be apart, she had to know. He looked up at the sky and begged for a chance, just one last chance to see her. He stood for a moment gazing up at the golden sky. The setting sun painted the perfect blue above him, brilliant shades of purple, oranges, and a crimson color that mirrored Sora's eyes perfectly. "I have to see her." He said out loud as he began to run as fast as he could will himself to go. He was heading straight back to her building. He didn't care now if her mother tried to stop him, she could no longer hold him back. This was something he had kept hidden and he wasn't ready to give up when he finally gathered the Courage to say it. he ran faster and faster, his lungs were burning for more air, but he wouldn't give it, not until he got to her. He skidded to a halt in front of her building and then began to make his way for the stairs, lunging up them three at a time, before finally arriving at her door for the second time this day. He took in a deep, very much needed, breath and knocked once again.  
  
The door opened slowly. He wasn't surprised to see the same stern face of her mother again.  
  
"I told you to leave." She snarled attempting to close the door, but he put his hand against it keeping it open just enough to let her see him. "Yeah, but you never told me I couldn't come back." He replied with a grin. The woman just stared at him coldly. "When are you leaving? When are you taking her away from me?" he asked in a much more harsh tone. "Tonight. I'm taking her away from you tonight." She answered him in much the same fashion. "Fine. I understand, but I want to let you know that I would sooner die then hurt your daughter." He said solemnly. She just stared at him in shock. "I know you don't believe me, but I would rather die than see her hurting. Makes you wonder why I'm still alive now doesn't it? I can feel her pain, she's hurting right now and I can't do anything to stop it, but to let you know, I feel her pain a thousand times worse. If I could, I would take her pain and lay it upon myself even a million times over… all just to see her smile. You can't stop my heart from loving her. I accept that you're going to take her from me, but give her this." He said handing her the letter. "I never got a chance to tell her what she meant to me, but I told you, just so you know. For every second I'm away from her, a small part of me dies. I can't live without her, but if you insist on making my life a living hell then go ahead, because I'd walk though hell for her. Sora is more than worth it." He said to her with a stiff look drawn on his handsome features.   
  
The woman stood before him speechless, she had no understanding of how he could possibly feel this strongly about Sora. This kind of love could never be extinguished, no matter the distance between them.   
"All I wanted was to see her one last time, but if you stand in my way, I'll respect you for that only. Just give her my letter and tell her goodbye." He whispered in obvious pain from a shattered heart. He swallowed the lump in his throat and backed away from the door, tears beginning to form in his eyes. "Goodbye Ms. Takenouchi, I give you my best. I hope, for her sake, that life finds you well." He said with a broken voice as he turned and walked away from her from her yet again today, but this time with an even greater pain upon him.   
  
*******************************************************************************************  
  
Ms. Takenouchi closed the door softly and looked at the blue envelope in her hand. She wondered if she should give it to her daughter. This could be what last remains of her old life with her best friend, but she had to read it first. She simply had to know what this young man could possibly have to say. Slowly she opened it and pulled out the light pink paper and began to read the neat red script.  
  
After a few minutes she closed it. tears in her eyes she brought her hand to her mouth to try and suppress the sobbing that threatened to escape. Was this real? Could he have been true to his word? She wondered if this boy could possibly have meant everything he said. If it was true, than she was hurting her own daughter, and he wanted nothing more than to take the pain caused by her mother away. "Am I hurting her more than I'm protecting her?" she thought. She didn't need to ask, for she knew it was true. She was causing her daughter more grief than saving it, and this boy was the one to take it all away. He was the one to make her happy, he was the one to show her what love should be like. He could show her what the truest love was, for theirs was the purest of loves to be born on this earth.   
  
"Sora. Come out here." She called in a weak voice. Slowly her daughter stepped out of her room and slunk towards her. "That Taichi boy was over again. he.. he wanted me to give you this." She said handing her the envelope. Sora reached out and took it gently in her hands. She caressed it's corners lightly before delicately opening it and pulling out it's contents with Tai's hand writing on it. Her heart began to pound in her chest as she began to read;   
  
It's Not Enough   
  
I see you everyday   
I've known you all my life  
I loved you as a friend  
But now…  
It's not enough  
  
To see you all the time  
And not tell you how I feel  
Makes me feel like I'm lying to you  
It makes me feel further from you  
I wish that you could see  
  
Since the day I saw you  
I felt you in my heart  
You love me as a friend,   
But to me…  
It's not enough  
  
I often ask myself  
Why I let this happen  
How could I risk losing you?  
Over something this crazy.  
It's not worth it.  
  
I could never hurt you  
Never would I try.  
I just want to love you,   
But I don't want to break you  
It's not enough  
  
You were my best friend. Never forget that, but it's not enough. I have to tell you.  
  
Sora I love you. since the day I saw you I've been complete. I can't live without you, but now I have to try. You're going to leave and I didn't get to see you one last time. To see the only one I've ever loved. You mean more to me than life itself, I'd do anything for you Sora, anything.   
  
A little piece of me dies for every moment you're not with me, I need you, I love you. My heart and my soul will always belong to you, Sora you hold the key to my existence and I know it. I just wish I could have told you sooner, but I didn't live up to my crest. Now you're being taken from me, and as you leave, you take the part of me that was found when I met you.   
  
I know that you're hurting, but I feel it too, maybe even worse. If ever you're in pain please just wish it upon me so I can free you. I would gladly feel your pain, anything to feel you smile. My life would have been pointless if I had never met you, I would have been lost. For there to have been a Tai, there had to be a Sora. You gave me what I am now.  
  
I'll always miss the times we shared together, just watching the rain fall from the sky, listening to the thunder crash above. I'll miss that, but I'll miss even more the time that we don't get to spend together, the future was ours and it awaited. Now I lost you.   
I would have spent a thousand forever's with you, but now, they are just a thousand forever's lost.  
  
I will always miss you, and not a second will go without you being on my mind. I'll love you forever, or longer so. I'll be with you always. I'm sorry to say it now, but….. goodbye my Love.  
  
Yours for all eternity,  
Taichi Kamiya.  
  
  
Her hand flew to her mouth as she dropped the letter and stood in a state of complete bewilderment. The boy she loved, loved for all her life with an undying flame, he loved her back. To see his feelings, to read his emotion. It felt as if he had put his heart onto that paper, and that is exactly what he did. The girl's heart raced, it felt as if it would leap out of her chest, it hurt so bad. It hurt every time it beat, she could see the pain that Taichi would be put through. The tears ran freely from her eyes and she stood still in the middle of her home. For one second a small whimper escaped from her throat as she broke her stare from the letter on the floor and turned to see her mother weeping. "Sora… I can't do this to you, to him…he loves you too much to lose you… please go to him…I'm sorry dear, tell him…. I'm sorry." Her mother cried. "I… I can stay?" she asked in a severely shaking voice. Her mother just nodded and turned away from her only daughter so as not to show her the pained look on her face. "Thank you mama.." she whispered and headed out the door, she ran down the halls and skipped down the stairs and raced down the street like a mad woman, not caring about the stares she was attracting, her mind could only concentrate on one thing… getting to him, getting to Tai. The one she loved deeper than both worlds could describe.  
  
She reached his building at long last and hurried up the many flights of stairs past the floor his home was on. She knew him too long and far too well by now. she knew that at a time like this he would only be one place.   
  
He loved the heights, they seemed to help him think, clear his mind.   
  
She reached the door to the roof of his building and silently opened it and stepped up to the top of the building. She glanced around and saw the chair he had brought up there, empty.   
  
She turned the corner to find him standing in the middle of the rooftop. His broad shoulders were wracking with violent sobs. She slowly moved closer and just watched him. after a few minutes he calmed down and stopped crying. He stood silently and stared at the slowly darkening sky. "Why did you have to go?" she heard him whisper to the air around him, thinking he would get no answer. "Why did you have to leave me?" he whispered again, but she could take no more. "I would never leave you Tai." She said from behind him as he whipped around to see her standing now before him. he stood looking into her soft crimson eyes at a loss of words. "I never wanted to say goodbye to you, I didn't want to lose you, because…. I love you Tai.. and I would spend a thousand forever's with you, even longer." She smiled. "She… your mom gave you the.." he trailed. "Yeah… I think she knows now what we feel can't be stopped." She said moving closer to him and falling into his loving embrace. "Oh God Sora, I thought I lost you." he nearly cried. "I thought so too, but you'll never lose me." she said as a single tear fell from her face and onto his strong shoulder. "I meant every word that I said. I need you Sora, I love you." he smiled pulling back slightly. "I know you meant it, I never doubted it. I love you too." She said as he slowly leaned forward, she closed her eyes and felt his lips touch upon hers. What started out softly slowly became more drawn out and passionate as that kiss was the only one born out of the strongest love. It was the never ending contract between the two that proved that they would surely spend A thousand forever's in eachother' arms.   
  
  
  
Meow, meow. Was that good enough? I don't know, will you guys PLEEEASE tell me what you thought of it? I think this one was pretty okay for my first REAL Taiora. I need to know if I should write more of these, cause I was thinking that until I can write with my emotions that I would give it a rest for a while unless you guys wanted me to keep going. This one almost made me cry. Now you can see how important your reviews are, I desperately want to break my 18 review record, so if you will please, please, please tell me what you thought?!? You can also email me with ideas or requests at:  
yamatoschik@hotmail.com   
  
thank you for reading, please review! 


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